3-2-1: On Why You Should Be More of a Follower, Ignore People's Words, and Stop Trying to Change Your Behavior
Wisdom Wednesday #24
Update on my life: our tiny human is out of the NICU and home keeping us up every hour of the day (as tiny humans are want to do), but we are starting to get a decent split-shift system going (my nocturnal schedule has it’s advantages ;) ).
Here is an updated pic of said little monster plotting world domination (as he rightly should be).
Here's 3 ideas from me, 2 quotes from others, and 1 question for you to mull over this week.
3 Ideas From Me:
What you reward, you get more of. What you ignore, you get less of.
Most people ignore good behavior and punish bad behavior and then wonder why they their lives are consumed by negativity and avoidance.
Effective people ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. In themselves and in others.
When others do something you want them to do more of: praise it—or better yet, meet their unique love language.
When others do something you find annoying, unhelpful, or toxic: ignore it. When it's their entire personality, ignore them.
Similarly, when you meet your goals for the day: reward yourself with praise, relaxation, and fun.
When you fail to meet your goals: get over it, and try again tomorrow.
Beliefs dictate behaviors, behaviors dictate results, and results dictate beliefs. Change your beliefs and you change the whole cycle.
It's impossible to change your results without changing your behaviors. And it's near impossible to change your behaviors without changing your beliefs.
The only link in the chain with much malleability is changing the way you interpret your results—ie your beliefs.
If you focus your effort primarily toward improving your thoughts, mindset, and internal models, most everything else will come effortlessly.
Defeat others by reacting to what they say. Elevate others by helping articulate what they mean.
Communication is hard. What you can intuit in your mind and feel as true VS what you can make a clear and concise case for with your words are not at all the same.
And you're not the only one. Everything everyone says is a poor approximation of what they mean.
You can take advantage of this by taking what people say literally, and defeating that strawman. This will protect your ego but will eventually destroy your relationships.
If you wish to strengthen your relationships and win in the long term: help others dive below what they say—by digging in to their underlying emotions, intentions, and values—to steelman what they mean.
2 Quotes From Others:
Entrepreneur and six-time unicorn angel investor, Jason Calacanis, on critics and self confidence:
There’s people who change the world, and then there’s people who criticize them.
You have to realize that critics achieve nothing in their lives. Like, who’s your favorite critic?
Philosopher and "political engineer", Curtis Yarvin, on how our vanity can prevent us from doing something fulfilling because we believe it's "beneath us":
Recently, Marc Andreessen wrote a much-cited essay which asked everyone to build. Everyone should build. Not everyone should be an architect.
The trouble with asking the whole world to build is that this world is so poisoned by vanity that it can only hear one message: be an architect. Almost all these people should be learning to put one brick on top of another. But once a thousand architects have argued about how to build the house, there is often not a bricklayer to be found.
Having done both—metaphorically speaking—I will tell you straight-up: it is more honorable to be a bricklayer. Architecture is a gift. Masonry is a craft. Never trust anyone who has a gift but no craft. If you have a gift, pursue your craft. Only fate can make you an architect; but fate seems to like a man who can lay a brick.
To lay a brick is to pursue the path laid down for you; it is to follow. The mason is not an artist but an artisan. For an artist, the definition of perfect is broad; for an artisan, it is narrow. The same amount of effort and achievement can go into either.
Yet the architect, who is an artist, leads; the mason, who is an artisan, follows. The wall needs to go where it is supposed to go. It needs to look like what it is supposed to look like. Yet in the hands of an ordinary mason, it will be okay; in the hands of a fine mason, it will be striking; anyone can tell the difference and no one can say quite why.
While the society that forces an artist to be an artisan has failed, so has the society that forces an artisan to be an artist—or that exalt the artist above the artisan. The latter is simply a society without artisans—which is a society that cannot build. Oops.
(In fact it is a curse to be a real artist or scientist. These people should be derided and shunned. It’s an admission against interest—but that way, they’ll do their best work.)
1 Question For You:
And finally, here’s one question to ponder this week:
What is the most valuable thing I could be doing right now?
That's all for today!
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Catch you next time,